My lower butt hurts because this week I decided to face some fears and tick some of the things in my bucket list. I am not a pro at conquering phobias but I can tell you one or two things about how I do it. But I must warn you, it gets nasty. Before I go there, I want to talk about how funny I find it that those younger than me are complaining about fake friends and broken relationships. And how everyone nowadays talks about listening to their mom often. First, why does life hit so hard and second, how the hell do they grow so fast?
Back to overcoming my fears. I am going to talk about the top four fears that I have faced. And I have to say that some of the things are rather embarrassing and no one should try harass or laugh or post anything fishy in the comments.
Growing up, I was quite reserved and most people would say that I was shy. It might be half true but the main reason is that people never understood me as a child. I was a complex individual. Both in size and in personality. I was not as fat though. For this reason I buried myself in books and television. No one was ever successful in curing my cartoon addiction as a kid. So, I became more withdrawn and I never found comfort in talking to people.
Listening to what people talked about made me perceive some of them as rather shallow. I know, this sounds mean but I was just a kid. So, in reality I was not as outgoing which led to me being afraid of speaking to people who were not family. I would not converse to save my life. My mum tried to make me sit with guests. I knew that she would not false me to speak so I just sat and watched T.V. But I was always comfortable talking to my sister, who was and still is my best friend. I love you big sis.
After a few years of lower primary school, I took the first step towards conquering my fears. This was through the help of my sisters, my parents and my teacher. I remember being chosen to recite a Kimeru choral verse in church. Well, thanks to my auntie who was a Sunday school teacher. I was scared and deep down I did not want to do it. But when your mom, who by the way is very African says you will, trust me you will. And you will do it perfectly.
With the help of my sister who stood by me as I rehearsed it with my mom, I was ready. My two eldest sisters were loving enough to dress me up so beautifully. I was scared and though I do not remember everything, I can bet there was a lump in my throat which I did not want to swallow. Because it would make me cry and embarrass myself.
The thing that made me feel that public speaking or in this case reciting a choral verse, was not that bad was the applause that came after. I loved how people liked what I did. This was how I started breaking out of my cocoon. I can not say that I am a hundred percent comfortable with public speaking yet. But if I did it as a child more than one time, I am sure I can do it over and over again.
I have always had a terrible fear of heights. I always found it hard to go to the rooftop of any building and I hated stairs and balconies. Also, I have heard stories and watched movies where people died because they accidentally fell off balconies or the stairs. So, to prevent dying or getting into accidents, I avoided them altogether. Moving to Nairobi made me conquer these fears even when I was not willing to. I had to use stairs almost every other day. The apartment where I lived had a balcony and that is where the rubbish bin was.So I had to. As for rooftops, morning views are worth conquering fears for. I even managed to go zip lining.
I died a couple of times when zip lining and came back to life when I was done. First, I was not ready for the wind or the adrenaline rush. Or the whole putting yourself in the way of the grim reaper only for a couple of hundred Kenyan shillings. It was a dumb idea which I honestly did not regret. I was screaming, literally crying and praying that God forgives me for all my sins just in case I died. Did I mention that I think I peed a little? It was one of the most daring things I have ever tried. And I am glad that it is out of the way. Would I try it again? I do not know because there is a little trauma involved but I would consider it.
Maybe I am the only person who is afraid of trying anything that puts you in harms way. I am literally scared of accidents and I have always given up easily if I got hurt doing something. If you know me, you probably know that I attract fire and that is why anything hot burns me. Reason why for a few months I quit cooking. Well, I got ulcers and somehow no one even asked me to cook because I had to anyway. Somersaults too used to give me anxiety in primary school. This is because of the way your neck and head feels if you do it wrong. But somehow I mastered them as a child.
When I was a kid, my neighbor was riding a bicycle which led to him getting a deep cut. I guess that is how till today I cannot ride a bicycle because I was afraid that I would get hurt. But this week, I began taking lessons and hopefully, after a few trials, I will be able to ride a bicycle.
Hydrophobia. If you are black, you know that if you cannot comfortably stand in water, then that is a disaster waiting to happen. I guess that is why the biggest percentage of the population that does know how to swim is black people. But can I blame myself. We go away from danger not towards it, unlike other races. Water can kill you until it cannot. I am one of those people who think that there is going to be a zombie apocalypse and I know zombies cannot swim. Maybe this is one of the reasons why I started training myself how to swim. Plus I know it is also good for your health and while at it, you can save a person’s life if they are dying in water.
I have other fears that make my skin crawl. May it be cockroaches(which by the way I fear more than any other insect), dogs, chicken, bulls, goats,ducks, sheep,snakes, deep open wounds, small tiny bumps on anything, hand washing knitted sweaters, any infections and many others, I know I can overcome these fears. And I know you can do it too.
So, WE WILL NEVER SPEAK OF THIS AGAIN, CAPISCE? Capisce!
Next post is on Monday