How to deal with the loss someone you love
“I am so sorry, everything will be okay after your loss. I promise.” If you have lost someone before, I am certain that you have heard these words before. By loss I mean death, or to stop being in touch forever or for a very long time with someone you hold dear.
No one ever prepares you for the loss of someone you love and neither is there a manual telling you how to deal with it. During the first days of getting the horrible news, one is in denial. You do not want to come to terms with the loss and you keeping telling yourself that it is all but a nightmare and it will go away. All you have to do is wake up. But, newsflash, there is no waking up from that.
Often, denial is the first stage. It is okay to be in denial. I am sure no one tells you that. Acceptance is a process. You don’t wake up and just accept that the person is never coming back. In this stage, the news is like one big fat joke. You think about them often, not knowing what to do or how to behave.
The next stage is the grieving with denial period. You grieve but you have not really come to terms with your loss. and you still hope deep down that it is not true. You keep having memories, dreams or constant flashbacks. At this stage, the best way to deal with it as an individual is to let your friends comfort you. Let those around you in and talk about what you feel. Do not bottle up your feelings because no one will understand what is going on in your head. Let people know that you are hurting because it is human. Grieve together.
Anger comes with a game called blame game. You look for anything and anyone to blame. Most people are mad at themselves. You want to blame even the person you lost for not trying hard enough to stay around. You have a million questions and your heart gives you all the answers which in turn make you angry. It is okay to me mad, but it is not okay to blame someone else for something beyond their power.
Dealing with anger is by far the easiest and also the hardest stage to deal with. Do not let the anger consume you. Channel that anger towards something. First, forgive yourself or any other party that you feel contributed to your loss. Run that marathon, do that art, write, hit that punching bag… Just do not let it sit in you.For me, writing clears my head. Anger consumes.
Acceptance with grief normally comes last but it is not the end. Different people accept at different stages. Accepting is a process that is prompted by the first few stages. Without acceptance, there can never be healing. Acceptance to many people comes when they see the person leaving or in death, when they see the coffin being lowered into the grave. This is the most painful thing. Acceptance is characterized with intensive mourning or crying and lot’s of anger. That is why it is advisable to cry and let it all out. Grieve as much as you want during this stage.
Some times, one starts playing the “what if” game because they start wishing that if they or someone else had done something differently, then their loved one would still be around.
You are not alone
When experiencing a loss, know that you are not alone. Talk to someone and allow yourself to be sad but remember to be happy too. Losing someone hurts, I know. It actually sucks because you are not sure whether you can move on. Wake up each day and remind yourself that it was neither your fault nor was it in your hands to do something about it.
My advice is, everyone grieves differently. Some people grieve and move on fast, others grieve for years and move on later but others… those few others, grieve a life time because they never stop wondering why. Let go and let God. Pray, share and cry if you feel like it. After all, no one knows your pain better than you do.
Remember to always say ‘I love you’ to those people you hold dear everyday. And if you feel like you want to talk to someone, just e-mail me or find me on any on my social media sites and direct message me. Someone wise once told me that a problem shared is a problem half solved or solved.